Go fuck yourself...oh wait, you already have, haven't you?

@FBI 18 USC Ch. 43: FALSE PERSONATION §912. Officer or employee of the United States. Whoever falsely assumes or pretends to be an officer or employee acting under the authority of the United States or any department, agency or officer thereof, and acts as such, or in such pretended character demands or obtains any money, paper, document, or thing of value, shall be fined under this title or imprisoned not more than three years, or both. (June 25, 1948, ch. 645, 62 Stat. 742; Pub. L. 103–322, title XXXIII, §330016(1)(H), Sept. 13, 1994, 108 Stat. 2147.)

Sexual intercourse with live animals is prohibited by Section 69 of the Sexual Offences Act 2003, which states that: ‘1) A person commits an offence if— (a) he intentionally performs an act of penetration with his penis, (b) what is penetrated is the vagina or anus of a living animal, and (c) he knows that, or is reckless as to whether, that is what is penetrated. (2) A person (A) commits an offence if— (a) A intentionally causes, or allows, A’s vagina or anus to be penetrated, (b) the penetration is by the penis of a living animal, and (c) A knows that, or is reckless as to whether, that is what A is being penetrated by.’ This section does not prohibit sexual acts with a dead animal, or oral intercourse with an animal. The law also prohibits possessing or distributing pornographic footage of bestiality. This is explored in the next section of this article.